Relationships and double standards

When you break a relationship down to its birthday suit, there's no need or invitation for double standards...but they exist nonetheless?


The true purpose of a relationship is to find someone whom you are attracted to on more than just a physical level. Essentially, we're all looking for someone we can hang out with and experience new, fun, and exciting things with -wait, did I forget to mention get frisky with occasionally (or frequently if you're in shape and your drive is like that of a young handsome male who moonlights as a rapper and/or blog writer...there I go digressing again)- for however long time and circumstance permits. When one thinks of relationships in a 50-50, buddy buddy with loving benefits, kind of way, double standards and socially constructed roles seem unnecessary or, dare I say, dangerous.


Perhaps these roles and double standards date back to when women couldn't vote and therefore did not make as many decisions as men; or maybe even further back when men went off to war to defend the country and women were expected to stay home and keep the dinner warm and the children fed; or perhaps we can break these roles down the hunter and gatherer and his woman relationship; or maybe, just maybe all of this started because Eve, after receiving the rib of life from Adam, showed her appreciation by manipulating her man into eating that damn apple (can I say damn while referring to stories of the Bible? No? Okay, I definitely will not then) and was therefore doomed to be on the short end of the double standard stick for the remainder of eternity. Whatever the case is, these roles only add stress to a relationship whose sole purpose is to add enrichment and joy to the two individuals involved. Somewhere down the line, however, the following double standards came about:

-The man is the chaser and he must prove himself worthy to the woman before she accepts him. This usually includes lots of courting, chivalry, and patience. Why does the man have to chase? my theory: because a woman has to physically (when you think of our adult dancing equipment) open up and let a man in. So, while a man is free to roam, explore, and "poke" around, a woman has to be more cautious than a man. Therefore he must chase.

-If a man hangs out with his woman too much he is seen as clingy or "soft" because, of course, men are supposed to dislike hanging out with their women for long periods of time; It's unmanly.

-Women are to suspect their men of being mischievious, unfaithful, and unworthy of angel like behavior 95% of the time. This can be summed up in one idiom - All men are dogs (note: this idiom has taken on many forms in different communities i.e. "All men are pigs" or the ever popular "Men aint sh**"-that one is popular wherever many of my ex-girlfriends are...)

Now don't get me wrong, There are a few double standards that are negatively geared towards women, like those mentioned above are negatively geared towards men. Here are a few:

-If you cheat, we're done. Even if you've accepted the fact that I've done it 20.5 times (that half time means I day dreamed about cheating with your gorgeous cousin, who thinks i'm just the nicest person because I make sure she's invited to all of our family functions...errr...I'll stop there)
Now we could possibly attribute this double standard to the past when a man was a man and anyone who tried him or his family was to be shot or beaten to within inches of his life; where six shooters, and bar brawls were the only way to settle differences between men; where we road horses and used spittoons for our tobacco, where Wyatt Earp took on an entire gang and survived because men were men! So of course with that kind of foundation, having a woman who was unfaithful was never even thought of. She'd have more than a Scarlet A burned into her skin, because you just didn't break a MAN'S heart in those days. But the truth of the matter is our egos and our pride will never let us forget that our woman, our only weakness in the world, actually found a man who was just as, if not more appealing and attractive than we are. So we call her a "hoe" and a "slut" because she forced us to live out our worst nightmare and focus on all of the insecurities that we use our money, muscles, and attitude to overcompensate for and hide. ...There I said it!

-The woman in the relationship must be the first to cook, clean, and take care of the children while the man goes out and does what he deems necessary for himself first and the family second. This one obviously dates back to the good old days when women did it all at home and the men were free to come and go as they pleased because they were the bread winners. (I feel like there's a typo in that last sentence I just can't figure out which word should not be there...if you find it let me know.)

All in all, the double standards and the expectations are responsible for 75% of the unnecessary stresses we see in our relationships; the other 25% can be attributed to poor decision making. When you think about it, a relationship is hard work anyway. Two different people from two different upbringings are conjoining their lives and trying to maneuver through life and all of its traps, opportunities, and challenges. I tend to naively think that my gay friends have better relationships and less issues than we heterosexuals do because they don't have to deal with some of these silly gender-based-double standards; which might I add is only because gay relationships have been taboo throughout our history for some odd neanderthalish reason (Legalize gay marriage everywhere please and thank you!) If you're in a relationship, or you plan to be in a relationship anytime soon, be sure that what you're doing is because you genuinely want to do it either with or for the person you are with. Don't just do things because society has decided you are supposed to do it. It's your relationship, and as my mother always says, "You'll have to trust that you will get out of it, what you put into it."

P.S. there are plenty of other double standards, I just listed the first ones to come to mind. Feel free to add some in the comment section. Happy Loving, people.