Your Love My Pain

by Lawrence Raysor

Your Love, My Pain
How do you tell the person who lives to feel you breath,
That you want to die?
How do you tell the person who loves to see you smile,
That you want to cry?
Would you walk away without warning or notice,
Or look that person in the eye?
Would you state it simply with no explanation
Or tell in detail, why?
Would you whisper words of encouragement
Or would you up and leave,
Without a chance to say good bye?
How would you tell that person
If you could not lie…
That you want to die?
I guess I’ll try…

We’re not the same you and me.
I was blessed with the curse of finding flaws.
My favorite specimen is the very man you love
I focus on everything he‘s had a chance to gain
And everything he‘s lost.
I can not see the good outweighing the bad
Only the fact that the bad exists
And nothing is to be enjoyed
Until the bad he’s either created or endured
Has been done away with.
Impossible it may seem
But another choice I’m without
This is my cross to bare
You’ve shown me you love me,
But that’s not what this is about.
You love me more than I love myself
This much I know
The older I get the sharper my vision becomes
So I’m sure hate myself more and more
As I grow.
Your love is stronger than any love I’ve seen
And I’ve seen plenty
But no love can withstand or over come this self oppression
Not yours, not theirs, not any.
I’ve ruined many…
Trapped by the pressure of my very own potential
I struggle to meet the bar I’ve set
I can’t get out of my own way,
And I fail to escape myself no matter how far I step.
I’m not who you think I am
Your own eyes have deceived you.
I believe that you believe in me
But I am not able to believe too.
If we switched perspectives
Perhaps I would be blind to my imperfections
Maybe my mind might then allow me to see
What it is you claim you see in my reflection.
I’m an exception to the rule
That accompanies the “Midas” touch,
I ruin the lives of those closest to me
Ask those who loved me and tried their luck.
It’s all so cyclical and difficult to explain
An intricate web designed to shield against change
I’ve wracked my brain and gone insane
The more you try to help and fail, the more I feel the pain.
I disappoint myself enough already
Failing to be what you know I can be
Only adds to the hurt.
I’m doomed to a fate full of perfected imperfections
My life is cursed for what it’s worth.
I can’t please you, myself or anyone else
I’m detrimental to the world
A threat to your heart
A cancer to your passion,
Hazardous to your health.
My wanting to pass on has little to do with failure
And much to do with safety,
For my inability to be perfect
Is the very fuel that drives me to hate me.
Save me…

Tell me what you would do…
How do you tell the person who lives to feel you breath,
That you want to die?
How do you tell the person who loves to see you smile,
That you want to cry?
Would you walk away without warning or notice
Or look that person in the eye?
Would you u state it simply with no explanation
Or tell in detail why?
Would you whisper words of encouragement
Or would you up and leave without a chance to say good bye?
How would you tell that person
If you could not lie…
That you want to die?